Now we begin to see the relationship between divine intimacy and human lovemaking. Campus ministers have known about this relationship for years. We always would warn our students – don’t pray together with your girlfriend. That kind of intimacy leads to physical intimacy – to put it crassly, the couple that prays together lays together. The same is true of married couples. If you open yourself up before God together, you will find it easier to open yourself up to each other.
1. The Demands of the Text
Sex is important
We get the idea from the Song of Solomon that all a married couple does is make love. Well, that is what separates a marriage from all other relationships. Lovemaking is a big deal, it symbolizes and effects everything that is special about a marriage.
Think about your marriage vows – with this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, with all my worldly goods I thee endow.
In the bible times and today, you are not married if you are not physically intimate. In lovemaking you give yourself away and become one with your spouse. It symbolizes that oneness, it also makes that oneness come to fruition.
You are closer, more in love with the person after lovemaking than before. The Apostle Paul says it is true even of prostitutes – you become one with them. The spiritual oneness always accompanies bodily oneness.
Why did you get married in the first place? I will say this a couple of times, he would not have married you if not for the desire to make love to you. If you think that is low, dirty or unromantic than you do not share the high view of love that God has. He is proud of sexuality, he designed it that way.
This is God’s good creation to give a couple something special. It marks your spouse off from everyone else in the world.
Number one need of a man – why? No one else can fulfill it.
Food illustration – imagine living with a chef who only makes you fast. You work in a bakery, you see images of food on the way home, you smell food all day, your husband has the smell of food all over his clothes, but he doesn’t feel like cooking for you at all.
Marriage is a sanctuary, lovemaking is the worship.
You are not a roommate – if you were, you would be the worst one he ever had.
You are not his caretaker – he left his mother to live with you.
You are not merely his friend, he has a lot of those, some who share more interests.
You are his one and only lover.
No other act of the human life has a whole book of the bible dedicated to singing its praises. Why is it in the bible, because God is proud of it and wants you to know it is important.
Is your marriage healthy?
If you do not enjoy sex, why not?
Does Sex bring up feelings of guilt – confess to God and your husband, and invite both to forgive you and cleanse you.
Does sex bring up shame, let your spouse and your God tell you how beautiful you are.
Do you have false ideas about the importance, or selfishness of sex. Does lovemaking with your spouse feel like a chore, or make you feel used?
Do you have unresolved bitterness?
Use this book of the bible as a gift to re-learn God’s view of Sex.
2. The Example of the Text
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Examples in the Bible are not mandates – but they are instructive. Nothing in this text is condemned, so we are invited to see this example as healthy and beautiful.
Primarily see that lovemaking is a celebration. It is not a chore, or a duty. It is a way to show your spouse how important and wonderful you think she is. A husband feels important, strong and respected. A wife feels loved, beautiful and more cherished than any other in the world.
Redbook magazine writer found that the single factor that made lovemaking the most enjoyable was feeling like the other was into it. Not the acts, the spirit that communicates – I cannot get enough of you.
We saw a weird illustration of that this past week. Gov. Schwarznegger confessed to having an affair and everyone of us thought – you cheated on Maria Shriver for her? 85% of men who have had an affair said the mistress was less physically attractive than their spouse – but the mistress was into them.
Why are you unable to celebrate in this way?
Tired?
Priority? It is important to fulfill your husbands number one need.
False morays – is it bad if you are the aggressor, or act like you like it?
How do we see them celebrating?
- She is the Aggressor.
Let him kiss me – she starts out with the arousing talk
Where will you be today – let’s meet in the garden
Men are designed to think about sex. Women tend to despise God’s creation and look down on that. I encourage you to use it to your advantage.
If he is going to be thinking about sex all day, don’t you want him to be thinking about you?
- She is visual
She dances before him and invites him to eat his heart out. He sings over her beauty.
n Make and keep yourself beautiful. Not by ridiculous world standards, but for your lover.
What not to wear.
n Your husband keeps a visual rolodex – do you want those pictures to be of you.
- They are frequent and free
The make love in the middle of the day, in the morning, evening and middle of the night. They make love in her parents house, in his chamber and outside in the garden.
The rule for frequency is as often as either wants.
The rule for freedom is what neither finds degrading. But ask yourself, why do I associate shame with this or that?
The primary rule is this – your body does not belong to you. Serve each other with your bodies.
Final remarks.
Do not arouse or awaken love.
Does the book offend or anger you? Do you find it frustrating or disheartening? Invite your spouse into that conversation, be honest with how you feel about your love life and about the song of Solomon.
Why do you feel that way? What makes it so hard?
Will you let Jesus into this part of your life? Tell him how you don’t celebrate your spouse and tell him that you are unable to be intimate and let him heal you.
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