An angelic messenger confirmed that famous missionary, Hudson Taylor, will make a surprise visit to China. Though Missionary Taylor has been an occupant of a Heaven for over 100 years, he has decided to go back to China after hearing about the revival in China.

Since then, he has corresponded with Heartcry Missionary Society as to which church he should preach at.

While doing some gardening, Hugh Ross was reading the instructions for Miracle Grow which read thusly, "...water lawn every other day." When reading this, Hugh Ross actually interpreted the word "day" as a 24 hour day, instead of correctly interpreting the word as a period of time/millions of years.

The British law enforcement has created a new branch of law enforcement, namely the Thought Police, and they are hiring fortune tellers.

Fabian Roy, a local palm reader, said, "This is really great, now I have a job to scam people out of money, and then a side job that makes sure people are to think the way the government wants them to think. My mom would be so proud of me."

Reports say that Prince Henry was not all that pleased about the decision, he said, "Look, sometimes I disagree with the queen and my wife, I don't want my wife to know that I disagree with her, I mean, talk about a marriage disaster."

Dr. Jason Lisle, founder of Biblical Science Institute, had an exclusive interview with famous atheist Richard Dawkins.

Dr. Lisle said, Thank you for being willing
to accept my invitation. Now I've read all your books and I've come to the conclusion that you hate someone that doesn't even exist, would you say that's an accurate representation" "Yes I would, and there is every reason to hate God." Said Dawkins, "Because this silly little god of yours, commanded genocide in the Old Testament."

Dr. Lisle asked, "Since you don't believe in universal moral absolutes, why is it wrong to commit genocide? And why are you mad at God, who you don't believe exists, who commanded genocide?"

"Because it's evil" "Why is it evil?" "Because it hurts others" "Why is it wrong to hurt others?" Richard Dawkins responded by swearing and mocking Christians.

Today, a bill has been introduced that will increase Californian taxes in order to build an underground submarine system in LA. It is unclear as to what the exact purpose of this submarine is, but Californian Senators have agreed that the colour of it will be yellow.

In a somewhat shocking statement, Pope Francis said, "I don't profess to be a Catholic, God loves everyone and will have everyone in Heaven, including that Luther guy." yes the pope did it again, going off script and said another controversial thing that make Roman Catholic apologists confused.

A particular apologist, who did not want his name to be disclosed, said, "I have talked to many apologists, priests, and cardinals, no one really thinks this pope is all there, in fact someone told me he was smoking a joint."

When we asked if the pope was a universalist, he said, "I believe we are like, all part of the universe, we are all connected in this harmonious cycle and stream of life, can you dig what I'm laying down?"

the author also fails to grasp that MB and James White debated the Oneness Pentecostals, also the author uses double standards, is not very clear in his argumentation, and is just ignorant of some common facts.

And I guess the most important thing is that neither James White or Michael Brown died for me, Jesus Christ died for me, furthermore James White is did not invent Calvinism nor is the doctrine of Calvinism dependent on James White, what you're demonstrating is a strong hatred towards certain people who believe in Calvinism.

In a controversial move, the U.K. has apointed the famous/infamous Christian Creationist Kent Hovind to inspect the teachings of the public schools, "I guess I'm honored" said Hovind while loading his PowerPoint slides, "These kids are being taught that they came from a rock, it's ridiculous."

Although opposition is coming from the political & educational side, however this really didn't concern Hovind, he said, "I'll debate 100 professors at once with half my brain tied behind my back."

When asked if he'd debate the politicians, he said, " Well you gotta understand, the word 'poly' means many, and a tick is a blood sucking animal, so you put the two together and you have a bunch of blood sucking animals, in my opinion that's a perfect example of what politics is."

In a recent Gallop Poll, they discovered that Calvinist are not being accepted as they use to, local Presbyterian, Caleb Thomson said, "I use to be able to hang out with Baptists and Methodists, but not anymore, I've lost 10 friends on FaceBook and 15 followers on Twitter."

Pastor Dylan McCheyne of Dublin Reformed Baptist Church said, "Me friends be shunning me as if I had a double dose of depravity, or if I were part of the homosexual movement."

The famous show of your most memorable characters has decided to make a VeggieTales movie about the reformation. The movie will include famous church leaders such as Erasmus, Luther, Pope Leo, Calvin, and many more!

"The movie will depict what the reformation was about, and will include martyrs, and debates, and Martin Luther's famous attitude" said a representative for VeggieTales, he went on to say, "We're trying to push this film so that it can be used fora Sunday School class both for kids and adults"

Mr. Asparagus will be William Tyndale, Bob the tomato will be Martin Luther, Larry the Cucumber will be Erasmus, Mr. Nezzer will be Pope Leo, Archibald will be John Calvin.

The scientific community has been examining the most recent scandalous discovery of the 21st century and many scientists are still debating the validity of the discovery.

However a good portion of the community denied such a notion, they denied it while wearing clothes that had a designer, a computer that had a designer, a phone that had a designer, yet still disagreed with the conclusion that a design demands a Designer for the whole Creation.

Michael Shermer said he was, "Skeptical of the claim, I mean, it seems to be like a poor Desginer if you want to apply it to god, it seems like she had a bad day designing stuff everyday." Eyewitnesses said that they heard Shermer arguing against intelligent design, using an argument he designed.

Dawkins said, "Our purpose is to pass our genes to the next generation" this he said next to 2 lesbian atheists, while Laurence Krauss said, "The stars died so that you can be here." Which no one really got since stars are not living organisms.

What might be common knowledge to just about everyone, Jim Lincoln discovered that there are black people and atheists who homeschool. In a tax funded basement, he made the shocking discovery and reportedly cried, "I knew it! I knew it! I'll get those Bible believers and tell them all about it, they'll be so surprised, I'll have to throw some links in there."

With that he ran up to Wyatt McCheyne, an elder at Sovereign Grace church, said, "Do you know that atheists and non white people homeschool!?" Wyatt McCheyne was startled, but said, "I'm black and I homeschool my children...So yeah I know about it"

Jim reportedly said, "liar! Ah ha, I've imparted my new-found knowledge to you!" And went down the street laughing in a very creepy way.

Progressive, feminist tattoo artist Sarah Madison has suggested that, quote, "We should let young kids have tattoos, a little ink won't hurt them, it'll boost their confidence and they can express to all the world who they are"

She went on to say, "Another thing, these kids shouldn't have to ask their parents, parents have to right over their bodies, not the kid's bodies. These children should have the right to make their own decisions, and not have control freak parents restrict them, we should accept these kids as they are."

Anyone who's ever heard of R.C. Sproul knows his love for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Reformed theology, and Martin Luther, however Dr. Sproul, in a recent broadcast of, "Renewing your Mind" said that, "A trip to Wittenberg Germany (or Wartburg Castle) is one of the key roles for sanctification, it is the Reformed person's Mecca, you can't help but to see the places of which Luther himself went to."

However many Arminians (namely those who are fans of the late Jack Chick) suspect this is a Jesuitical scheme. Blake Owen, a local Arminian, said, "Martin Luther was a Jesuit, this reformation thing was a pro-Lucifarian plot to try to sweep all mankind towards the anti-christ, is it a coincidence that Hallow's Eve and Reformation Day is on the same day??? I think not!!!"

Another Arminian said, "John Calvin was a murderous scoundrel, his tyrannical kingdom was worse than Stalin, how do I know? Dave Hunt wrote about it...and Martin Luther did not use the Recieved Text, Tyndale had a higher view of scripture than Martin Luther."