Psalms 69:4 ESV More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?

Psalms 109:2-5 ESV For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. (3) They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. (4) In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. (5) So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

I maintain that at the root of an abuser’s hatred for his/her Christian spouse is hatred for Christ. One of the most confusing things about domestic abuse – hating one’s own flesh – is, “why?” What is the reason he hates her so? What is the motive for all this evil?

We know that domestic abuse occurs in marriages where neither spouse is a Christian, but when the victim is a believer I can assure you that one of the main reasons for the abuser’s hatred and cruelty is that he hates Christ. This is one of the chief reasons the Bible tells the believer to only marry “in the Lord.” Of course that is tricky because there are so many counterfeit wolves in wool.

Much pre-marriage “Christian” counseling addresses this issue of a Christian marrying a Christian. For all these years that I have been a pastor, I have done my best to only officiate at weddings where both bride and groom know the Lord. I haven’t always succeeded in this because, as I said, the human heart is so deceitful. But one of the reasons that we need to point out to people considering marriage is, if you are a Christian and you marry an unsaved person, it is the nature of the fallen, sinful human heart to hate Christ and all that belong to Him. Usually the counselees are told something like, “well, you both need to be Christians or you won’t be able to share real intimacy in your relationship with one another.” And that is true. But we need to point out something that will hit them with a more powerful, attention-getting punch – an unsaved husband or wife will hate the Christian.

John 15:18-21 ESV “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. (19) If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. (20) Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. (21) But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.