Many Christians in the U.K. have voiced their concern about the lies that are being taught concerning evolutionism, it has been insulting their intelligence and the faith to which they maintain, namely one of the doctrines that God created the universe about 6,000 years ago.

Because of this, the U.K. schools have now removed evolutionism from the textbooks. "We really want our schools to be sensitive to the faith of others" said Superintendent Henry Winston, "And that's why we removed evolutionism from the textbooks, and replaced it with real, observable science."

One Presbyterian student, Johnathan Reynolds, said, "It's about time they throw that rubbish in the garbage, finally we're being taught real science and actually learn truth."

John you obviously are ignorant of Calvinism 101, it's an epidemic that's spreading across a lot of denominations and you're showing the symptoms of it the first symptom is misrepresenting Calvinism of which you are doing.

But just for you, Calvinist Satire have a remedy for this:

To stop the illness you have, consume 2 "Radio Free Geneva" by Dr.James White each day, for about two weeks, stop buying Chick tracts, and replace it with Chick Fil A and sound tracts from Living waters.

stop relying on man for assurance of your salvation, and read Daniel chapter 4 at least once a day to realize that God exercised His free will on Nebuchadnezzar.

If problems are still present or worsen, read in exodus "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy" and concerning Pharaoh that "I have raised you up that I might show my power" you might even need to listen to R.C. Sproul, and Paul Washer.

At publishing time, Martin Luther took to Facebook and said, "You conservative Catholics are the priests of Nimrod, and the children of Belzebub, and the liberal Catholics have dung for brains."

In a scandal that is no doubt going to be "Choice News" Conservative Catholics were found teaching heresy before, during and after the Mass, " It's just devastating that this caught wind" said local cardinal, Patrick McGregor, "all us conservative Catholics protest against homosexuality, abortion, etc. but the church never suspected that we actually teach things that are anti christ"

Local Mormon, Elder (Bill) Tanner, visited Brigham Young University, to see how his old college was doing, and he saw 21 year old college student, Dan Smith, consuming a glass of coke,

At first Bill Tanner whacked the young whippersnapper for drinking a caffeinated beverage, Dan said, "Oww! What was that for elder Tanner!?"
"For breaking college rule and Mormon "law"" was his reply.

Upon further discussion, Elder Tanner was informed that the "law" no longer applied, not soon after, Elder Smith began drinking massive amounts of Coke. When asked why, Elder Tanner said, "They depraved us of this stuff, and now I'm getting what I deserve, soda!!!"

He went on to say, "I will definitely be drinking this, I plan to go to the Messa Pageant in Arizona, and I'm going to need refreshments, I also plan to redo my Mission, it's a long way from Hawaii and I'll need some Coke to quench my thirst."

Good luck and one more thing, make sure the water isn't poisoned by the wormwood stuff and move to somewhere where there's no animals that can get wild and trample you. (My advice, underground bunker with an. A K 47, a .22 calibre, that should be good.

Yes, you read that correctly, he asserts that, "Polygamy should be allowed, who are we to be bigots and polygomyphobic, just as I don't think it's right to be transphobic, I think we also should not be polygamyphobic"

When asked further concerning his rather progressive statement, he said, "I just think we shouldn't limit the rights of people, colleges should recognize polygamist marriages just as they would gay marriages and traditional marriages."

1. Do you think Trump should be impeached and have Hillary Clinton take his place?

2. Do you think we should segregate white people?

3. You're working at McDonald's, how much do you think you should get paid per hour:
A. 7.50
B. 8.25
C. 15 dollars an hour?

4. It's Christmas season and you hear the song, "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby, what are your thoughts:
A. This guy is a good singer.
B. This song is a Classic, can't get enough of it.
C. "White Christmas"? This is a white supremacist song, why can't it be "African American Christmas"???

5. Your neighbor owns a gun, what should you do:
A. Respect his decision to own a gun.
B. Buy a gun as well.
C. Call the police and tell them that your neighbor is a gun carrying villain.

Correct Answers:

1. Yes
2. Yes.
3. $15 an hour
4. It is a white supremacist song
5. Call the police.

In a progressive move by American society, the Feds have found it necessary to build "safe zones" for introverts. I interviewed Adam Booth, who approved of this outlandish move, "We are trying to reach out to our fellow American introverts by making the world a safer place, and there's only so much attention an introvert can get until he/she cowards in fear."

Local analyst George McDougal said, "We've seen an increase in introverts as the population rises, many of these introverts like to stay home, and occupying their time by listening to some complex lecture, listening to classical music, and reading various books. However I think it's healthier if they at least go outside."

Satire is not always suitable, but atheists are just sue happy, they would've sued every founding father, and Capitol hill, they would've sued schoolhouse rock for not including Asians, and I think there was only 1 black kid in frosty the snowman, (very racist obviously) and do you remember seeing a black or Asian person in Grandma got ran over by a reindeer? No, obviously the show is a white supremacist show.

Ray Comfort had a book that had dozens of lawsuits by atheists against Christmas scenes, God in school, etc. And sometimes you have to smite the scorner so the simple will be wise (and I'm just applying this to my life...that's proper exegesis right? It has to be.)

In a surprising unraveling of events, atheists are at it again, this time they hope to see the death of religious freedom in regards to Islam. "Islam and all the other religions are totally unnecessary" said local freethinker, John Dolan, he went on to say, "Look, we get that you all believe in mystical fairies that supposedly is watching us, if you want to believe in a bloodthirsty deity, such as Allah, have at it but don't force it on the kids"

When asked why it was wrong to impose a "bloodthirsty deity, such as Allah" on kids, Josh said, "It slows down evolutionary processes, we need to free ourselves from the shackles of religion, it's the human thing to do."

This he said while he was exercising his freedom of speech, that was given to him by God, and the first amendment which was written by people who believed in God.

"It's outstanding that we can actually see evolution taking place, said Richard Dawkins, "I've never seen anything like it." When asked if there was any intelligence that might have caused this, Dawkins said,

"No you silly little English muffin, no intelligence was involved in this, are you that stupid to think that someone thought of this theory? No intelligence is needed for this, I bet you believe in fairies as well."

John Y has come out of the closet and admits that he gambles. "Look, I only gamble a couple cents, the reason being is that when I lost a bet against a Methodist, he said I had to be a Baptist" said John Y.

"Many people believe gambling is wrong, but Pastor Steve says otherwise." When asked where he got the money to play the slots, he said, "Oh, I collect the offerings, and take it to play the slots, I'm still asking my god if he will bless the offerings, so far, nothing."

David Meade, a Christian who believes in words of Jesus, has found out when Jesus will come. "I didn't know that I would know when this would happen" he said in an exclusive interview, "I am glad that I was able to figure it out, I wonder if the angels know about this."

In a unanimous vote, Hitler has been awarded, "German Nobel" yesterday. "Ja, it is und honor und a privilege" said the German dictator. He was awarded the title for making a safer community by having the Gestapo in high alert, for forming the SS, and for having the hitlerjungend (Hitler Youth) and for doing away with, "The parasites that breed like vermin." Who he described as "useless eaters"

A local German said, "As a father, I'm glad that Hitler is teaching us to devour countries faster than we devour food...If we had a lot of food."

Another citizen said, "I've never heard anything bad about him, and few leaders are as intimately connected to the day-to-day lives of us superior Germans, he understands that we can't have an inferior race that will have negative long term impacts on our lives, he's a true champion of German rights."

Canadian officials have a great concern for their citizens, for this reason Canada is investigating its citizens bank accounts, just in case too much money is in their account,

"With all that's been happening with theft, we want to make sure our citizens don't become victims of theft, for this reason we've decided to take some money from their bank account, for their safety of course."
Said an unnamed judge, who passed the bill yesterday. He went on to say,

"I think we'll see a decrease in theft, if not, we might consider taking more, we want our citizens safe."

A recent development has emerged that millions of Americas decided to exercise their freedom of speech and voted to elect Donald Trump.

"I just don't understand" said Hilary Clinton, "Why do these deplorable Americans have this right, should it even be legal?"

Furthermore, Bill Clinton did not approve of Mike Pences strict rules, "I mean, who sets marriage standards like this? He won't be alone with a woman other than his wife, what does that say to women?"

In an effort to recover from his unwise decision for not opening the church doors to victims, he's taken to the initiative to donate 100,000 copies of his, "Your Best Life Now" to victims of hurricane Harvey.

"I'm really confused" said one victim who received a copy, "If this is my best life now, it can't get any better than this, and it can't get any worse, doesn't this mean I'll always be like this?"

Another citizen received a copy, this time of, "Everyday is a Friday" he commented on the book, "I hope everyday is not a Friday, unless I win the lotto on Friday."